The Bagthorpes, Starwars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Mayhem
by BaronCat40
Summary: The characters from the Bagthropes, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Starwars get together to have a party supervised by BaronCat40, a violently insane author who enjoys torturing characters and stabbing them with pencils. Mayhem ensues. Rated K for mild language.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: Me in real life is partly insane. I do things like stabbing people with pencils. Also note that Rosie plays the voila, not the violin because a voila is way better then a violin! And I am definitely NOT saying that because I play voila! Well… Maybe I am, but who cares. Also, I do not own the Bagthorpes, Starwars, or Harry Potter, or the Lord of the Rings, nor do I own Twix. I do not own the planet Zeus either3. I also do not own Watership Down, which is the best book ever.  
**

BaronCat40 called a bunch of random people into a random house in a random place on a random day. He is saying the same random word at random intervals. This random word is random.

"You will all be forced to listen to pop music for the whole night!"

"Hell's Bells!" cried Mr. Bagthorpe.

"No! The proper term is 'bells, hells!" Cried Yoda. He spent so much time figuring out the proper term that he forgot to make his sentence backwards.

BaronCat40 put the record on.

"No! Make it stop!" cried everyone collectively, except for Mr. Bagthorpe and Daisy, the former who repeated his former line, and the latter who said something random about what would happen if the house were subjected to both Fire and Flood simultaneously.

Hermione ran forward and unplugged the record player.

"Hermione, if you don't behave, you will be in Lea's slave bikini for the rest of the story. "

"It's 'Leia', not 'lea'" said Lea.

"Shut up! You can't read your story anyway! I hate spelling! I am horrible at it!"

"Then get better! And hold your pencil better! You might be able to write legibly!"

"3 preschool teachers failed miserably trying to make me hold my pencil the 'right' way! And I can't spell or write because of a mental condition! Idiot!"

Grandma ran forward and put on here opera records and plugged the player back in.

"No! Make it stop! Pleeeese!" Said the collective audience as their ears began to bleed, with the exception of Grandma, Hermione, Daisy, and Yoda. Grandma said, "Ah, what beautiful music", Daisy was too crazy to care about what was happening and was off who knew were busy lighting something on fire, the flooding it, then burying the poor dead fing. Yoda said, "Bells, Hell's" to which Mr. Bagthorpe replied, "Copier! My line, that is!"

To which Yoda said "Copier, YOU ARE. Talk backwards, only I can. Reversed your line, I did. "

To which Mr. Bagthorpe said something about justifiable murder of overgrown weeds. (Yes, he was referring to Yoda, who does not resemble an overgrown weed in any aspect)

Hermione saved everyone by smashing the gramophone with a sledgehammer. She was put in a slave bikini. "No! You cannot where those boots that came with it! Daisy has… Well, we'll talk about that next chapter." Said BaronCat40.

"Nooooooo!" Hermione hated going barefoot.

Meanwhile, Mr. Bagthorpe and Yoda resumed their argument of copying. It went like this:

"Idiot!"

"Idiot you are!"

"Hell's Bells!"

"Bells, Hell's!"

"Moron!"

"Moron you are!"

"Moldy tree stump!"

"Drunken person whit anger management issues!"

"What are we arguing about again?"

"Copier, you are!"

Mr. Bagthorpe began making involuntary strangling motions. 1

"Eh, Eh"

"What the heck is that?"

"Think of a way of reversing 'he, he', I could not, so reversed the letters, I did. "

Mr. Bagthorpe shook his head.

"Scouts, we are, supposed to act like idiots, we are." Yoda was sitting around Boy Scout campfire and waving a burning stick in someone's face. (Yes, this did actually happen on one of my Scout camping trips. The face in question was mine. There were long jokes about the person waving the stick needing life alert after his chair was toppled backwards and he could not get up until the fire was put out and everyone went to bed half an hour later, a total of 474 45 minuets, or 3 hours. )

"Shut up!"

"Got to Zeus, you should"

"Got to _Hell_ you should!"

"Mimic me, you should not"

Mr. Bagthorpe ran away screaming at the top of his lungs.

Sounds like a good way to end the chapter. BaronCat40 stabs Mr. Bagthorpe in the vocal cords with a pencil to shut him up.

On second thought, I am not ending the chapter. But, Mr. Bagthorpe can now only talk in… Pig Latin!

Ell's-hay Ells-bay!

Stop complaining or I'll make it real Latin!

"ou-yay re-ay n-ay doit-iay"!

"Mendex!"

"hat-way he-tay eck-hey oes-day hat-tay ean-may? Ou-yay till-say re-ay n-ay doit-iay"

"Mendex, Mendax, brache tua canglangrant!" 2

"ell's-hay ells-bay!"

"And stop acting like a foul-mouthed dying Keats!

The chapter is really over!

Ooray-hay!

Stop talking in pig Latin. The chapter is over, umbo-bay. On't-day ou-ya are-day ransfer-tay our-yay urse-cay o-tay e-may! BaronCat40 banished the ig-pay atin-ay urse-cay for good. And don't come back!

"Talked in pig-Latin, the narrator did. Idiot, he is"

"You want the curse now?"

"Say that, I did not"

**1 If you review and tell me what Bagthorpes book this is from, you get a virtual Twix Bar. **

**2. Guess what book this is from. **

**3. You get a king size Twix bar if you guess what planet this is. **

**If you guess what Daisy was doing, you get two virtual Twix bars. **

**If you find the Absolute Zero reference, you get your penname in the next chapter**

**If you guess what my favorite candy is, you get a general intelligence rating of +1 for seeing the obvious. If you can figure out what my favorite book is from this random gibberish, you get a Nobel Prize for guessing talent because there are no clues in this story. If you can find the reference to the Bagthorpes book, tell me which book it is.  
**

**Anyone who does not review will be put under the Pig-Latin curse! So… Eveiw-ray!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

What Daisy was doing was setting Fire to, Flooding, and then burying Herminie slave shoes, hence why Herminie was barefoot. After she finished this, she broke into the Apple Headquarters and set Fire to it. A large amount of fireworks were used as well, and the firemen did not even bother coming because it was the Apple Headquarters and everyone knows that Apple is Evil.

Back at the party, there was a raging battle going on. Harry had decided that it would be a good idea to attack Sauron, while Frodo tried to throw the One Wand into the fires of Mount Doom. Getting past Little Tommy, however, was no easy feat.

"Hey! You can't call me little Tommy! It's too degrading!"

"Fine then, how's Baldy Voldy? Good, okay!"

"Hell's Bell's!"

"When did you get in this?"

"Who cares?"

ANYway, the other characters took rather odd sides. Both Malfoys were fighting with Harry, Sam was trying to stab Frodo, and all the other Lord of the Rings had Harry Potter characters were going against the vast amount of Starwars and Bagthropes characters. Yoda and Mr. Bagthorpe were, of course, arguing.

"Idiot, you are"

"You will be killed by a little green thing! Oh, wait, you ARE a little green thing. "

"Eaten by a giant marshmallow, YOU will be!"

"Dawn take you all, and be fluffy pink bunny rabbits to you!" said Gandalf, who had randomly appeared behind Yoda and decided to stop the argument before someone was really eaten.

They stopped arguing because of the horror of being turned into pink bunny rabbits was that bad.

Meanwhile, unnoticed by anyone else, Palpatine had slipped away and had captured Hermione, and was torturing her. He was whipping her all over, and had subjected her feet to being placed in a fire. This is how he did it:

-This content had been censored due to graphic content, a large amount of evil laughing by Palpatine, and an excessive amount of screaming by Hermione.-

Hermione was somewhat unhinged by the torture.

Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. BaronCat40 began running around like a lunatic at this sound.

Where is it? Where is that tornado siren! Must hide! Do not like sound!

BaronCat40 was so freaked out that he forgot to put that in quotation marks. He began to stab a pencil at people randomly in the hope of stopping the sound. When he was done, the scene was this:

-most of this content has been censored due to a large amount of bloody holes in random body parts. It is watered down for you.-

Frodo was lying dead with a pencil whole in his heart.

Sam had a frying pan over his head, and was blind in one eye and had a broken leg from a giant that, stabbed in the toe, and fallen over on Sam, was pierced by his sword, and died. A pencil had gone through Sam's frying pan and into his eye. The rest of this content is too gory to be even rated T, and this author would like to avoid an M rating at all costs, especially has he is not old enough to read M, let alone write it.

After the Great Pencil Massacre, everyone was brought back to life/healed, and life was good again. Except for one thing. BaronCat40 was still obsessed with torturing characters. For one thing, he gave Daisy free reign. The house had bee burneded down twice and flooded once. He gathered all the characters in a random auditorium he made appear out of no-where. See, isn't it nice to be able to make auditoriums appear out of no-wear? That's the benefit of being a partially violently insane author. BaronCat40 announced that there would be a new character coming to the party. The door opened, and in walked –we will know have a short 3.57-year commercial break- Jar Jar Binks!

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Kenobi.

"For Gondor!" Aragorn, Boromeir, and Faramir all said this at exactly the same time, then ran forward in sync and stabbed Jar Jar at exactly the same time. Aragorn whacked his head off, and the three Gonderinians began a massive sword fight that involved several pencil wholes in each of them, courtesy of BaronCat40.

"Mesa Jar-Jar-Binks!" cried the disembodied head, "Mesa so smiling to seein yousa Ani!" The audience groaned, then Daisy walked in and lit Jar-Jar's body parts on fire. There was then a happy riot in which poor Jar-Jar was ripped into more pieces and said pieces, which happened to be flaming, were thrown about.

"Yousa are killen Mesa! Mesa willen haunten Yousa Always!" san Jar-Jar's flaming head as it flew through the air, flesh and eyeballs and blood dripping off of it. How he could still talk was a mystery. BaronCat40 got fed up, killed everyone simultaneously with a few thousand pencils, and ended the chapter.

**There is now a Strings to Bow contest. If you answer a question, state who's team you are on: Jack&Zero, William, Tess, or Rosie. If you did not read the Bagthorpes, pick a random team. **

**1 string to anyone who finds the Harry Potter reference. **

**1 string to anyone who finds the Hobbit reference**

**1 string to anyone who finds the Bagthropes reference**

**2 strings to anyone who guesses BaronCat40's worst fear and the traumatic experience that induced it. **

**Note-I will give one more chapter, then I am not updating until I have 5 reviews. Out of 40 people, none have reviewed. Out of ideas, I am. **


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